Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
