I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
