Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
