i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
