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You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I would ride that face into the sunset
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
