Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
