marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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