I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
