The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
