Im at strip club and am horny
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
