Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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