I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
