I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
