he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
