I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
