Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
