I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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