you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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