Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
