I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
