I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
