Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
