I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize