so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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