The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you win again, gameday.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
