I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
