I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
