The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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