Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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