I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
