"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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