so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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