I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
