what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
