I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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