I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
