Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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