thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
