yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
