Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
