Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
