He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
