remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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