hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
