I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
