How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
