shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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