I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
