he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
