His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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