mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
