I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Four minutes until I can fart!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
